i've decided that i will only hang out with really drunk boys who like to break things and throw shit like bottles and kegs and each other from now on ever ever ever. there really is no difference between your typical frat boy and your typical clone boy. except maybe you get to break bottles to the buzzcocks or something. and to think i kept asking eileen when she was going to go home. fuck hanging out with sexually liberated types and sensitive sit around all day types. its all about repressing everything and letting it all hang out in drunken exploding starbusts of backflips and shattered glass and skinned knees and bruised egos and punches in the stomach to say i love you. when i am around that i can be my true stumbling secretive shy whispery oblivious self that i am always like inside my own head and not have to talk so much. i hate having to talk cuz i always say the wrong things and insult people and get myself in trouble. i cant believe the words "wow i've slept with every girl in this room except for one" were uttered. stephen handley is the new mehmet, jeff seal is the new volkert and nick is the new nima amini for a new generation. ha ha that is funny. i dont know why i kept insulting stephen last nite stephen i'm sorry and then i poured beer all over jeff's shoulder and told him i'd make out with him someday. that was also rude. sorry. i like parties at nicks house better when he is not locked in his room busy making out with a girl and outside yelling at people instead. i want nick to hurry up and make out with all the girls in the world already so he can just hang out again. alas there is one turning eighteen every minute. even eoin was drunk. he smelled sweetly of whiskey and i wanted him to be my granpa. uh i dont know what that means but i felt safe and cozy and furry and snuggled surrounded by so many drunk people wrecking havoc in the poor kitchen and wailing on each other. i want to visit the new house in san francisco now. lets just hope adam will always be there to make sure i make it home alive. thanks adam. but petaluma was fun too. in a different kind of way. cant decide yet what i want kind of fun i want.